Come back home

It’s been long since I saw you last
In the mist, your fading laugh
The echoes of the melodies you sung
Deep into my my ears they rung
The voice of regret over what I had done

I stood and watched you go
A broken trust, an empty vow
I wished you’d turn and glance
Melt my cold heart and my stern stance
I longed for a last look, that never came

Here I sit deep within my shadows
Trying to look past this looming darkness
Thinking how well you fared
Out in the world, being loved and cared
Or was it an illusion, of my fading vision?

I hate this silence, I hate the quiet
You left behind this great void
Why create the space you never intended to fill?
To pierce these walls, destroy and leave
All along was that your will?

I leave the door open each night
In hopes you’d come by and see this sight
Of a heart fighting it’s battles
To live, to hope and never lose its light
Come home, with you, these halls were so bright

Letter to a friend

Hello my dearest friend
How do you do
In a world so cold and bent
I see a sadness in your eyes
Like they’re tired of saying goodbyes

Let my words carry away your strifes
This pain of yours like stabbing knives
Let me calm and soothe your aching heart
Just sit back, relax and stare at the stars
It’s time I do my part.

I just want you to know.
That i’ll never leave you alone
When you can’t seem to find your way
And it’s too dark to see even in the day
I’ll be your light that’ll guide you home

I will stand at a distance.
Not too near, yet not too far
Always there behind the curtain fall
Standing here on a minutes call
To pick you up, should you ever fall

When you find everyone in your life gone
And life becomes too hard to live on your own
Look to your right and you’ll see me
I’ll be walking besides you and forever be
For I’ll never leave you alone.

Down the moonlit road, she strode

Down the moonlit road, she strode
All farewells long since bode
She was broken, she was incomplete
Her demons abundant, her angels deplete
Down the moonlit road, she strode

She knew not her destiny
Just that, far away she wanted to be
From the cages she had left behind
The chains and ropes that bind
Down the moonlit road, she strode

Looming walls barred her way
As she inched forward day by day
She couldn’t  touch them, couldn’t see them outside
For they were the ones, she had built inside
Down the moonlit road, she strode

People had walked over her, crushed her under
Her feelings killed, her emotions plundered
Was that all she was born for?
To be kept inside a locked door?
Down the moonlit road, she strode

Take away my sanity, give me my freedom
Her thought single, her goal one
She was tired, yet she willed to move on
To find her angels, that had long since gone
Down the moonlit road, she strode

She hoped for a hope, of dreams she had dreamt
A wide open prairie, over it the sun bent
On a white horse, she ran and rode
Down the moonlit road, she strode
Towards her freedom and her chain-less abode

Broken Heart

As I walked past the empty bench
Cold, Black eyes made me wrench
I turned back and our gazes met
Producing a strife of thunder that went
Leaving me thinking, alone at the junction
What had i done to deserve this attention

It was time to think back and meditate
Realize what mistakes in life I had made
That had made her heart, so cold and fierce
Given her the eyes that hurt and pierce
Why was I treated by her as a dime
Making me realize I was wrong all the time

I was ready to accept my mistakes and apologize
But she was never in a mood to socialize
How could I tell her my heart so ached
Wanting myself to die for her sake
That look which lingered on in her eyes
Made me reason it was too late to apologize

So many things I wanted to tell her
The misunderstandings, where they were
Just one chance, that was all my heart begged
Tell her my thoughts so I could clear up my head
My courage betrayed me every time I tried
To go and walk by her side

Why was life so difficult for me
What was, that it wanted me to be
Was I such an unimportant person
When was last, I gained their attention
How could people be so heartless
Why couldn’t they see I was in such a mess

There was nothing left I could do
Absolutely no one I could turn to
So I sat there on the lonely stone
All my feelings had long gone
Life was full of dirty art
It always ended with a Broken Heart

Walls

Walls! No. Not the ones you encounter daily. Walking down an alley and hitting a solid bricked dead end. Not the ones that surround the boundaries of your home. Not the ones you can physically see, touch and feel.

These reside inside. Hidden. Away from the eyes of the onlooker. The ones surrounding your inner self. Protecting the various circles of your being. Wherein each circle different people in your life reside. Each facing a wall restricting the access to the inner circle. They are built unconsciously. With instincts. And as life goes by, the more perils we face, the more broken expectations we encounter, the more setbacks we have, the stronger these walls get, the higher they rise. And this whole is an involuntary process without even our own knowing until someone knocks at your door, trying to help you out of your cave and you realize that you are blocked from inside out. Every way barred. Neither people can get in, nor you can get out.

“Lets weave a web of lies…
For all those who pass me by…
Let them watch from beyond…
My truths silently die…”

But the purpose of walls alludes my understanding at times. Why do we build walls around ourselves? To stop others from getting in or to stop ourselves from going out? Perhaps its both. But then at times life has different plans for you. No matter how many defenses you build. No matter how many doors you lock. No matter how many fences you put. Sometimes, someone out there somewhere is able to break through all your barriers and you can never know until they sit at the very center of the innermost circle of your soul and then you start feeling a change within. And then its from the inside that one by one the defenses start falling down and you feel unprotected, naked in the world. A strange feeling it is. You feel completed. No longer needing those barriers you put up. No longer putting up illusions to hide yourself. No longer pretending to be something you are not. No longer trying. Trying to fake yourself. Trying hard for your own self. Because after that its never about you any longer. Even your very existence isn’t about you. Its never the same then. Your emotions, your feelings, your truths, your lies, your struggles, nothing remains yours. Your life seems focused. Focused onto the very center of your soul. The point from where the light emits consuming your whole essence. Bathing it in a soothing calmness, a feeling of home, a sense of security. It changes your whole aura.

I seem to be getting out of words to describe it. I haven’t even done justice to it. But perhaps its more of how you feel it than how you cast it down in words. Its how you start viewing everything differently.

The dark side of love

There’s a white mist all around me. I cannot see an inch further. I stumble and hold out my hands to catch my fall. I shout but no voice comes out. I listen but no sound wavers. I look but no vision flickers. I can feel a tight knot in my throat. A throbbing in my chest. A heaviness in my head. Fear? No this wasn’t it. I look back trying to find the path I had come from but there’s only the whiteness of the void waiting for me. They say it’s the dark that makes you blind. Today, I had experienced otherwise.

With my head held high,
with my hopes on the fly,
I inch forward,
with noone to guide me by

I wish I knew
Of my impending doom
Down I went
With a shattering boom

Into the deep hole I fell
Down the never ending ditch
Little did i know I had fallen
Down the dark side of love.

The dark side of love? How could something so bright, so hopeful, so white have a dark side? It wasn’t hatred. No. It wasn’t a darkness. But it was like a burning candle. A bright light that falls on your face. But as you try to grab it, it burns. It burns the very flesh of your body. The searing pain going all the way to your heart. Making you feel like a thousand bolts of electricity are coursing through your veins instead of blood. The pain isn’t constant. Neither is it temporary. But it comes in jolts. After several moments. One moment you feel vacant, empty, emotionless. The other you feel like a vacuum consuming you from inside. A black hole at the very centre of your existence.

It’s painful to feel so immensely about something yet unable to get to it. It’s like a door. The closer you get. The farther it goes. Love isn’t supposed to hurt. It isn’t supposed to open up wounds. It isn’t supposed to slash and burn. Yeah it doesn’t. But the dark side of love does.

Down there deep in the ditch I lay. Looking at the tiny light high above me. Beckoning me. Calling me. But I cannot get out.

Life’s like this. There are times when you fall in love either with the wrong person or with someone you cannot spend your life with. And then you fall down this ditch unable to get out on your own. You wait for someone to pull you out. But who really cares. People walk by. Looking down on you and move ahead. The waiting clock ticks from days to months to even years. And all you can do is wait for a saviour that may never come. Sitting there silently as you soul slowly crumbles to dust. As your being soundlessly shatters to nothingness.

A hopeless journey

I watched myself being drowned
Into the abyss of my own grieves
Raging columns of fire all around
Why is it that fate always weaves
Only sufferings for me to be bound

After much thought I set out
To find that bird called hope
All that surrounded me was a doubt
Would I be able to cling to that rope
And help myself out of this life’s bout

Through the wild forests I passed
Raging, thundering seas I crossed
Scorching deserts that would never last
Several times I felt I was lost
What kept me going was determination of my task

At last I found my reason to live
My heart jolted out with glee
Whatever it required I would give
To protect it no matter what the fee
Cause I had found the essence of my life

Alas! My happiness was so short lived
All I could do was watch and yell
As the eagle took away my gift
Confining my screams to an empty well
Helplessly I watched as all I cared was lost

Why is life so difficult for me
Leaving only despair in its wake
Why didn’t anyone care to see
Down and down I drowned in the lake
Waiting for my existence to cease to be

The silence before a storm

 

I sit here, staring at the blank page. Waiting for the thoughts to come pouring out. Waiting to blacken the the whiteness of the page with the darkness of my life. But my silence blocks me. My hands betray me. My thoughts leave me. How can i make the river flow after holding it back for what seems like ages? I feel like I’ve lost the ability to speak. Like I’ve forgotten how to express. There’s nothing but a shroud of a ravaging silence that surrounds my being. But they say there’s a silence before a great storm. The world seems at peace before it breaks into a turmoil. Maybe this is what I feel right now. A volcano brewing up inside. A volcano of words. A lava of emotions. Ready to burst out any time.

Throughout your whole life you keep on piling your feelings, your emotions, your sorrows, your moments of happiness, your moments of bliss. You take everything and dump them inside the big black box that dwells deep down your being. You have words that need to be spoken, yet words that are unheard. Feelings you want to feel, yet you don’t know how. Emotions you want to let out, yet no one to cup their hands and hold the flowing river. And as time passes by you put up walls on the outside. Masks on your face. Veils on your being. You appear strong as a stone on the outside, yet inside, slowly you crumble and fall. The poison inside the black box silently seeps out. Coursing through your veins paralysing your ability to feel any more. And all because of a silence that couldn’t be broken. All because of words that couldn’t be said.

My tale goes on. As life goes on. This cave suffocates me now. The darkness haunts me. Im living on the outside. But inside, the me is dying. Slowly, Silently it withers away. It just fades away.

“Will i fade away

Like a flame burnt out?

I am, but a shadow of myself

A memory that long blacked out

 

The bridge is destroyed

The rubble nowhere to be found

Like a song that ends

Ill fade away, into the background”