The World Inside


Imagine being the master of your own world. imagine having the power, the control, the will guiding your surroundings bending them to how u want them to be. Imagine having a world where there is noone but you and yourself.

Im too tired of being strong. Im too tired of this shroud that engulfs my whole being trying to appear to the world what im not. Im too tired of watching all the faces torturing me. I want a way out. A place far. Far yet near to it all. And there it lies. Deep in the darkest corners of my brain. This world that ive created. A home. A refuge. My heavenly abode among all the hell. I walk through the thick shrubbery. The dense foliage of old trees. Trying to find my way past.This maze of trees is my life. Old, battered, forgotten they just stand their biding their time since eternity to an eternity. A lifelong torture of being rooted to the very same spot unable to move on. Yet tiny streaks of light filtered through the canopy of what lush green leaves were left alive. Was that Hope? What is this golden circle that illuminates my very being, wherever it touches? How can light pierce through the darkness? The darkness that is my soul. No. i hate it. I want to run. I want to hide. Away from light of hope that pierces the darkness of despair and fulfills the dreams you dream your whole life. I ask myself why? Why wont i let hope guide my soul? Why give up on my dreams? Silence is what welcomes me everytime. I look down at the crumpling yellowed leaves dotting my path. The sound of them being crushed feels like a hammer shattering the mirrors around my heart leaving it vulenrable. i run. i duck. i jump. ive reached the very center. A large pool. In the very center of the thicket of trees i had just burst out of. Waves thrashed inside the pool. A chaos. A torture. Restlessness. I walk on the water. Making my way to the large leaf floating in the center of the pool. i sit down cross legged. My hands on my knees. I close my eyes. The syncing starts. The water was the state of my mind. I had to calm it somehow. It was my world. I was the master here. And slowly the din of the waves vanishes into a peaceful silence. I take a deep breath. The damp soil, the dew on the leaves, the calm water, what refreshing smells. I open my eyes. Green, peaceful, and silent. Perfection. Simply perfection. My mind feels at ease. Like a shadow has disappeared. An unseen burden thrown off. A strange feeling of lightness cradles my head lullabying it into a sleep of bliss. Here, i cant drown. Here, i cant fall. Here i stay above the waters, fighting, winning. Here, i cant lose.