Come back home

It’s been long since I saw you last
In the mist, your fading laugh
The echoes of the melodies you sung
Deep into my my ears they rung
The voice of regret over what I had done

I stood and watched you go
A broken trust, an empty vow
I wished you’d turn and glance
Melt my cold heart and my stern stance
I longed for a last look, that never came

Here I sit deep within my shadows
Trying to look past this looming darkness
Thinking how well you fared
Out in the world, being loved and cared
Or was it an illusion, of my fading vision?

I hate this silence, I hate the quiet
You left behind this great void
Why create the space you never intended to fill?
To pierce these walls, destroy and leave
All along was that your will?

I leave the door open each night
In hopes you’d come by and see this sight
Of a heart fighting it’s battles
To live, to hope and never lose its light
Come home, with you, these halls were so bright

One Last Chance

 

Someone once asked me what is love6064768-256-k977607
And I replied it’s a new world
Where once you step in you lose yourself
Its an ocean of immeasurable depths
Where the waves of feelings drown you
It’s a valley with deep gorges full of bliss

I don’t remember how I entered in it
As if I had fallen into a deep pit
I lost sense of space and time
Just that I was yours and you were mine
The camera of my life was focused on you
I didn’t care where everyone else had gone to

Time and again I felt lost
Gone into the world of your thoughts
Everything else became a mere distraction
Only you were left in my life’s equation
I was ready to live for you, die for you
For my soul had been bought by you

Never could I imagine this day would come
Away from my love you would run
Saying that no more you loved me
How did this time come to be
Was it a game you were playing all along
A mere click and out of your life I was gone

My heart has been replaced by a black hole
Consuming me from inside mole by mole
My world has been reduced to ashes
My life now a collection of meaningless dashes
It so aches thinking about all this mess
Was I just a pawn to your game of chess

I still wonder where had it all gone wrong
Am I to be blamed all along
The look you bear in your cold black eyes
Makes me reason its too late to apologize
I wish you could see the storm that brews in my head
One chance, just one chance is all my heart begs

My miseries

“Fall back on memm0006
and ill be the strength you need
ill be there forever
when none else would be
 

just don’t ever break me
cause this mask is all i have
don’t push me, don’t make me fall
just to see the other side of me

 

behind all this
hides a broken man
but maybe none will ever see
for to get to him there’s a high fee

 

but there’s no saving him
deep within layers he lies
been dormant for too long
already said all his goodbyes

 

but maybe it all doesn’t matter
all people need is an empty shell
drain it of all its strength
and move on when none’s left

 

save him maybe
or maybe let him be
a choice people don’t bother to make
all they do is never give only take

 

too many maybes in life
too many uncertainties
where do i go, what do i do
to end these never ending miseries”

Fire and Ashes

imagesMy hands quiver. My pen wavers. My thoughts uncertain. I feel empty once again. Lost and empty. My insides feel on fire. Crumbling all in its path and moving on to the outside. i want it to burn. Burn what lies outside. Burn all that lives around me. And perhaps in the dark black center of the burning flame, in the wake of destruction it leaves behind, in the screaming of my burning soul, in the smell of my burning flesh, in the ecstasy of the agony it gives, in the beauty of the phoenix of the red fire, ill find my peace. My eternal peace.

Peace? After all these years i dont even know what that means. The sound alien to me. The meaning lost. I look at the candle burning. Its flame still. Wavering, but holding. Was that peace? The yellow giving way to orange. The orange turning to red. And finally the red being consumed by the black. The sheer beauty of it leaves me in awe. The calmness it radiates. But perhaps i was seeing it wrong. The colors. The flame. Peace wasn’t the yellowness turning into a dark blackness. It was the darkness being pierced by the coloured lights. And perhaps thats what i needed in life. A change of perspective.

My fingers inch forward .Trying to grab it. I couldn’t get it. Why not grab it? Yikes. It burns. What is this searing pain i feel shooting through my fingertips going all the way up? I thought I was numb. How can I feel this pain now? Why do I? All i want is peace for myself. It isnt too much to ask for. But then again its one of the tragedies of life. Things lie just before u. Out their to be held, to be taken. But an invisible barrier bars ur way. Always. U reach out and the forcefield drives your hand back. You stagger. You fall. Yet you rise and hold out your hand again. And the endless cycle goes on. The cycle of life.

Theres a deep silence inside me
The silence of void deep within
I hoped for a hope that never came by
For a dream that i never dreamt
The bearings of a great storm
A red lining on the horizon
Dark clouds rising above
A ditch dug down below
I long for a peace
The peace for a broken mind
These shattered edges of the mirror
A torture i want to leave behind
It sticks like a leech
Sucking my life bit by bit
Until none is left therein
A smoking candle that once lit
I call for a saviour
To reignite the diminishing flame
But who dare answer
For this is but just a life’s game
I hold onto my mere hopes
Like a drowning person to burning ships
For its just a matter of time
When all will be fire and ashes