I’ve been away for a long while. Away from writing. Away from the world. Not physically ofcourse. Sometimes you need to take a step back from the world to figure out what lies in your own deep silence. The words you never utter. The feelings you never feel. Sometimes its not the silence of the voice that you need to break but the silence of your own soul that has been neglected for long. What i learned of it? That is a story for another time.
I was skimming through my blog a few moments back and started thinking why i specifically chose “silence” as the word to express. The reason lies in my past. A past that we all share. A past of shutting ourselves out, clamping down our voices living in a fear. Silence rules us all even if we don’t realize it. Let me show you how.
When i say i’m a silent person what comes to your mind? That I don’t speak much? That I don’t voice my thoughts? You’re right. But partially. Silence is not only of words, but of action, of the will to do what must be done, of the will to overcome your fears and take the leap of faith. I think but I do not act. That’s why I’m silent. I say but my actions do not back what I say. That’s why I’m silent. I feel emotions but i clamp them down. That’s why I’m silent. I’m walking down the road in a hurry to get to my office and I see a man slip and fall. I think I must help him. But I keep walking because I’m in a hurry. I stayed silent. I walk into my office. My colleague asked me to help him with a problem. I tell him I’m busy but i surely will later on. I didn’t. I stayed silent. My boss comes up to me and tells me he’ll give me a bonus if I do a work of his that’s illegal. I feel it’s wrong on a multitude of levels. But regardless I do his work. I want money. But I stayed silent. Again. So you see, silence rules us in all walks of our life. In the feelings we feel, the words we utter, the actions we do.
Silence is not only of the outer voice but of the inner voice too that keeps on nagging us all our lives. How many times in life have you suffered losses because you ignored that tiny voice in your subconscious whispering to you “Hey I don’t think this is right” or “Hey lets do it this way”. We shut it out. Dismissing it as our fears. Or the voice of naivete. We trust in the voice of reason so much that we silence our voice of belief. Beliefs and faith they are a strong force. Only if we learned how to put our trust in them.
And that is how my journey started. A journey to end the silences of my life. Bit by bit. I started off with listening to what my subconscious said instead of ignoring it. I firmly believe our hearts never lead us astray. Then i went on ending the silence of my feelings, my emotions. The reason i started writing. After that i moved on towards ending the silence of my words. That’s hard. Still working on it. But the hardest part is ending the silence of your soul. This is a long journey. A very long one.
Before we move on to exploring the realms that each person hides within themselves I believe we must first explore ours. Break our barriers, extend the limits that bind us and end our silences. Only then, can we hope to fully understand other people in our lives.
The answer to our questions, lies within our own silence.
Just break it!