Come back home

It’s been long since I saw you last
In the mist, your fading laugh
The echoes of the melodies you sung
Deep into my my ears they rung
The voice of regret over what I had done

I stood and watched you go
A broken trust, an empty vow
I wished you’d turn and glance
Melt my cold heart and my stern stance
I longed for a last look, that never came

Here I sit deep within my shadows
Trying to look past this looming darkness
Thinking how well you fared
Out in the world, being loved and cared
Or was it an illusion, of my fading vision?

I hate this silence, I hate the quiet
You left behind this great void
Why create the space you never intended to fill?
To pierce these walls, destroy and leave
All along was that your will?

I leave the door open each night
In hopes you’d come by and see this sight
Of a heart fighting it’s battles
To live, to hope and never lose its light
Come home, with you, these halls were so bright

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Do you know?

Do you know how she was like? A beautiful mess. A thunderous chaos. Where each time you went you felt lost. She was the home that you longed. Out in the cruel world where you never belonged. She was fragile. But she was strong. For those she cared for long. She smiled as if No calamity had touched her. yet when you looked deep into her eyes. You saw her soul slowly die. She stood straight and erect outside. yet she silently crumbled on the inside. She battled her demons alone. Her angels long since gone.

Let me tell you about her. The shimmering light that she once were.Darkened by the grieves. Shadowed by a depressing commotion. She lost, yet she kept the motion.She was the truth that you always lied about. The answer to your lofty doubts. She was the warmth to your coldness. And The cure to your prolonged illness. With lost words and hands that betrayed. I saw her run as the winds raged. I wanted to stop her. To make her stay. Yet I stood still as she moved away. Taking away my hopes my dreams. She dissolved into the diminishing light beams.

Down the moonlit road, she strode

moonlight_road

Down the moonlit road, she strode
All farewells long since bode
She was broken, she was incomplete
Her demons abundant, her angels deplete
Down the moonlit road, she strode

She knew not her destiny
Just that, far away she wanted to be
From the cages she had left behind
The chains and ropes that bind
Down the moonlit road, she strode

Looming walls barred her way
As she inched forward day by day
She couldn’t  touch them, couldn’t see them outside
For they were the ones, she had built inside
Down the moonlit road, she strode

People had walked over her, crushed her under
Her feelings killed, her emotions plundered
Was that all she was born for?
To be kept inside a locked door?
Down the moonlit road, she strode

Take away my sanity, give me my freedom
Her thought single, her goal one
She was tired, yet she willed to move on
To find her angels, that had long since gone
Down the moonlit road, she strode

She hoped for a hope, of dreams she had dreamt
A wide open prairie, over it the sun bent
On a white horse, she ran and rode
Down the moonlit road, she strode
Towards her freedom and her chain-less abode

Walls

8880887-texture-of-break-the-old-brick-walls-inside-wall

Walls! No. Not the ones you encounter daily. Walking down an alley and hitting a solid bricked dead end. Not the ones that surround the boundaries of your home. Not the ones you can physically see, touch and feel.

These reside inside. Hidden. Away from the eyes of the onlooker. The ones surrounding your inner self. Protecting the various circles of your being. Wherein each circle different people in your life reside. Each facing a wall restricting the access to the inner circle. They are built unconsciously. With instincts. And as life goes by, the more perils we face, the more broken expectations we encounter, the more setbacks we have, the stronger these walls get, the higher they rise. And this whole is an involuntary process without even our own knowing until someone knocks at your door, trying to help you out of your cave and you realize that you are blocked from inside out. Every way barred. Neither people can get in, nor you can get out.

“Lets weave a web of lies…
For all those who pass me by…
Let them watch from beyond…
My truths silently die…”

But the purpose of walls alludes my understanding at times. Why do we build walls around ourselves? To stop others from getting in or to stop ourselves from going out? Perhaps its both. But then at times life has different plans for you. No matter how many defenses you build. No matter how many doors you lock. No matter how many fences you put. Sometimes, someone out there somewhere is able to break through all your barriers and you can never know until they sit at the very center of the innermost circle of your soul and then you start feeling a change within. And then its from the inside that one by one the defenses start falling down and you feel unprotected, naked in the world. A strange feeling it is. You feel completed. No longer needing those barriers you put up. No longer putting up illusions to hide yourself. No longer pretending to be something you are not. No longer trying. Trying to fake yourself. Trying hard for your own self. Because after that its never about you any longer. Even your very existence isn’t about you. Its never the same then. Your emotions, your feelings, your truths, your lies, your struggles, nothing remains yours. Your life seems focused. Focused onto the very center of your soul. The point from where the light emits consuming your whole essence. Bathing it in a soothing calmness, a feeling of home, a sense of security. It changes your whole aura.

I seem to be getting out of words to describe it. I haven’t even done justice to it. But perhaps its more of how you feel it than how you cast it down in words. Its how you start viewing everything differently.

A hopeless journey

drowning

I watched myself being drowned
Into the abyss of my own grieves
Raging columns of fire all around
Why is it that fate always weaves
Only sufferings for me to be bound

After much thought I set out
To find that bird called hope
All that surrounded me was a doubt
Would I be able to cling to that rope
And help myself out of this life’s bout

Through the wild forests I passed
Raging, thundering seas I crossed
Scorching deserts that would never last
Several times I felt I was lost
What kept me going was determination of my task

At last I found my reason to live
My heart jolted out with glee
Whatever it required I would give
To protect it no matter what the fee
Cause I had found the essence of my life

Alas! My happiness was so short lived
All I could do was watch and yell
As the eagle took away my gift
Confining my screams to an empty well
Helplessly I watched as all I cared was lost

Why is life so difficult for me
Leaving only despair in its wake
Why didn’t anyone care to see
Down and down I drowned in the lake
Waiting for my existence to cease to be